I am beginning to understand the real dilemma of the “starving artist.” It is almost funny how I find myself in the continual juxtaposition: do I do (insert variable here) because I love it? Do I do (insert less desirable variable here) because it will pay my bills?

I find it fascinating to learn about the lives of true genius artists and creative people. For there is often a place in the path they trod where they had to throw common sense and everyday logic to the wind. It is that point of passion, of realizing that no matter what, I have to make the time and space for my creations to bloom and come into being. For to live with out making art, to pass my day without time spent playing with form, color, texture, visual balance … well, I might have well just stayed in bed. For days without creativity, for me, are days without joy.

And this is what I am finding my life boiling down to … this very simple point. What makes me truly happy? How can I spend more time doing what makes me really happy?

Is it selfish to move in such a direction as this? Many could argue that without a master plan, a carefully plotted scheme of wealth-building and practical common sense that such a course is foolish.

But there is something here in following my heart’s desire … something that I have not been taught by teachers, parents or community elders. There is something for me here within the pursuit of my soul’s happiness. It is not just about working. It is not just about putting my nose to a grindstone in hopes that one day I’ll be “there,” wherever that is. There is something here about being truly happy. And allowing that contented joy to expand and call to me that which I truly need.

I don’t yet have the words to precisely describe what I feel opening here for me. But something is shifting. Stay tuned …